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How to be precise

     kurdish black tea with rose & cardamom from Murî ( rating: 3.6/5)  not usually a fan of astringent black teas but i liked how deep its sapidity still was, righteously balanced with the floral.                                                        Slicing ginger root yesterday urged me to consider why the verb "gingerly" is derived from the plant. What does it mean exactly to take delicate action upon a subject? The online thesaurus provided "precisely" and "accordingly" as its most equitable synonyms, but I can't help but feel dissatisfied with its supposed parallels. To take action gingerly, yes, entails a certain precaution, but not necessarily a causation for accuracy. It means to move small, to move dearly, to take gentle care with the way you have chosen to perform such action, more so for the sake of feeling ...
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참아

[Endure]

My mother was never skilled at comforting, she has a tendency to silence my tears with a sharp, "참아".

Enduring was honorable, to fail to endure brought shame. I was always ashamed to fail and to take, so I gave. I gave thinking it was a virtue, but my giving was backfired with want, it was disguise. Nothing is a gift, it's all on loan and I'm drowning in debt to my ears. 

It's strange to know this world I love so dearly loves to see me so dismembered.

How am I supposed to endure when I'm in debt, October only comes once, and lunch is the saddest meal of the day? I have started eating yams and making my bed because I can't bear remembering that I slept alone. I have started drinking tea with purpose of self-warmth and spaciousness. It still feels purposeless to endure. 

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